Should you invite your ex to your wedding?

Managing the guest list can be one of the most difficult elements of wedding preparation. It isn't like choosing a menu or an invitation, where you make a decision and the work is done. Making a guest list essentially involves asking the same question over and over: Should this person be there, or not?

Sometimes the choice is simple. When the person in question is your ex, however, the choice can be more difficult. Here are a few things to consider when your ex is hovering on the edge of your "maybe" list.

_ Why do you want your ex there in the first place? If you're considering, then you've at least re-established a friendship with her after your relationship ended. But take a look at what makes you want your ex at your wedding to someone different. Your motivation may not be simply to share your joy.

_ What's your ex's relationship to your fiance? If your spouse-to-be hasn't met your ex, or hasn't become friends with him, then you would be well advised to leave him off the A list. Both of you are allowed to invite friends and family that the other hasn't met, but ex-lovers shouldn't make the short list if they're a stranger to your fiance.

_ Forget your ex for a few minutes, and look at your entire guest list. If you're looking at a large number of difficult choices, then make your life a bit easier and let your ex have your wedding day to himself.

_ Would your ex expect to be invited to your wedding? Having your ex and your new spouse in the same room can be painless, or extremely awkward. Don't just consider your own feelings and responses. Will your ex want to be there, or not?

_ What does your fiance think? This is more important than considering your ex's feelings. It may be that you have spent your entire relationship with your fiance talking about your failed relationship with your ex and why you're glad not to be with her any more. Regardless of how relations with your ex are now, will your bride-to-be want to celebrate the biggest day of your life with the "also-ran" who ruined your life before you met your wife?

It's a unique situation when an ex is welcome at a wedding. Look closely. If that situation is yours, send the invite!